Internet trolls may be a public nuisance, but they sure do make me laugh. You remember how, in the Harry Potter books, trolls are among the least bright of the magical creatures?
Sometimes art imitates life. An Internet troll in action, like the mythical counterpart, is blustery but brainless, believes him or herself to be anonymous, is gleeful, and hides behind a computer screen, just like the Wizard of Oz, a blowhard who – as we all know – took refuge behind a curtain. Computer screen or curtain – I can’t help but laugh as I write this and wonder which one is wimpier and, therefore, worse?
However, it’s not hard at all to uncover the identity of a troll.
All you need is the IP address of the computer from which they’re wreaking havoc.
Just the IP address.
Did you know that once you have that, if you know precisely where to look, as I do, you can get:
-The name of their Internet Service Provider;
-The latitude and longitude of where their computer is located;
-Their location via satellite; and, last but not least,
-The precise location of where they are writing their bullshit from?
I know it’s possible to trace all of this because I have done it, numerous times. I nailed the locality of a friend’s stalker this way, right to the Florida city and block from which it came. I found out, after an acquaintance died suddenly, that the last emails sent had been written from a hospice. That particular search not only yielded exactly where those emails had originated but, by running the latitude and longitude through a map, showed the actual hospice grounds, “street view” and all. I was able to pinpoint not just the complex. I got the precise building within it.
I’m not only good at this. I’m fantastic at it. Friends have even contacted me to trace this sort of thing for them.
The worst bully I have ever known is still alive. It’s an individual who has never been what you could call “well,” but since it’s one who is alive, when I recently found out about a certain troll’s shenanigans, directed at little me, I thought immediately of that crazy old fruit loop first. Dollars to donuts, I bet I know who it is already, but now I’ll get some evidence and proof.
Do I know this person’s home address? Of course.
Do I know the work address? You better believe it! Yes, that too! Why, that one’s work addy was so easy to find even a wee babe sitting behind an iPad in a grammar school could have found it in ten seconds flat. Google et voila, there it is!
Now for the fun part. Will I hit this individual with a lawsuit if and when I’m able to prove where a certain recent Troll Maneuver came from? Ha, what do you think? I’m looking forward to it! I plan on cleaning up. So much the better if the communication in question came from their work IP address, too – I won’t just get to clean up, in that best case scenario. I’ll also get the psycho fired. And I won’t stop there. Then I’ll file a second suit, this time against the employer whose computer was misused for the communique. May as well go after the supervisor, too. In for a penny, in for a pound. Everybody’s name will end up a matter of court record and be easily searchable forever: the troll, the employer, the troll’s incompetent supervisor – everybody!
So, look out below, Cyber Trolls! It turns out you’re not so anonymous after all – and one of you is on my radar screen. A mountain of crap can land on your falsely “anonymous” head as a direct result of your actions. In this case, it not only can – it will. As a matter of fact, I am already planning the interior design of the condo I’m going to buy myself in Maui with all the moolah I’ll get out of you, yes, you, from the court case I’m going to be filing. Why, the decor’s going to be a pink, yellow, white and green palette…
I can’t wait to see you in court! For now, though, write on, my clueless little cash-cow! The more you write, the more evidence I get! Toodle-oo!
TEE HEE HEE!